Last night I watched the Oscar-winning "12 Years A Slave" and for the second time in my life I was completely overcome with feelings of grief, injustice, and mainly guilt. Now some people might read that and think- it's not your fault, it's history, and there's nothing you can do to change THAT. And as much as it pains me, I do know that. I cannot go back in time. I cannot save the billions of African men, women, and children who were ripped of their human spirit. I cannot save the children of Auschwitz. And I cannot dry the trail of tears left by my Native American ancestors. In these things- I am utterly powerless.
However, I feel like I know myself well enough to recognize a pattern. The first time I experienced that overwhelming grief was after watching a theatre production of "To Kill A Mockingbird" during my sophomore year. A few of my oldest friends from college will remember this show as well, some of them might remember my reaction. As that play ended, I found myself uncontrollably emotional. Up to this point, I had never felt anything like this. Anyone who knows me well will know that I cry easily. I am, what some might call, extremely sensitive. I like to think of it as endlessly empathetic. However, this extreme sense of overwhelming injustice was different. I couldn't get a hold of myself. I literally could not stop crying, and I had to step away for more than 15 minutes.
I think the link between these two experiences is important to me- both times were performances that depicted our society in it's most broken, unjust times- during slavery and its immediate aftermath in this country. I feel a strong connection to this time, one that I've felt all my life. Even as a young girl in elementary school, I used to dream vividly about Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad. I actually remember a recurring dream from that time, where I was a slave in the south and tried to escape using the North Star. I have always been drawn to the disenfranchised in my life- even though I have always had just about everything I could need. Sometimes I wonder if I might have had another life as a slave, but truly I can't say why I feel such a deep connection to this time and these people.
All I can understand is that I am connected- whether willingly or not to a deep well of sadness and grief. Perhaps it is just my incredibly empathic nature, but regardless I find myself plagued by the question: How can I carry on with my privileged life when I know there are people suffering from terrible injustice RIGHT NOW?
People are dying all across the earth. Some of them die for their beliefs, but many, many more are caught up in problems that are much bigger than they are. The most heart-breaking detail in "12 Years A Slave" was Solomon's inability to help anyone else. I was struck by the devastating fact that, although one man was released, the rest remained. THE REST REMAINED. All those people who he had shared his last twelve years with- they were all left to the devastating effects of slavery. It reminded me that for every one that we save there are dozens more who suffer. I think about that kind of injustice, where people have been drained of their human spirit, sapped of their hope. I think about the effects of something as drastic as that, about the consequences.
I have always been taught and believed that the United States is the best place in the world to live. I grew up with great patriotism surrounding me, and even as I learned about the sordid past of this country I believed that America was still a place of hope, a place of dreams. While it may have been that to many people, and may be that to many people today, I think it is important to remember that America is not perfect by ANY means. In some ways, Americans are the most sheltered, ignorant people on the planet. Although it may not happen as blatantly as it did in the 1800's, slavery still exists in America. Injustice runs rampant in these United States. It may present itself differently, but it pervades every single part of our society. I have experienced many of those injustices firsthand as a young female, who grew up in one of the most bigoted states in the union. However, my individual suffering is NOTHING compared to the stories I have heard, the news I have read, and the aftermath I have witnessed.
Let me tell you a short story about a woman I met in the psych ward of Fairmont General. This woman was near my own age and by many accounts one of the cheeriest patients in the ward. From the first day I arrived she endlessly tried to befriend me- offering food, advice, whatever she had to share. I did NOT appreciate this attention. In fact, I remember many times when I yelled at her to leave me alone. I was angry and hurting and had no interest in this girl. A few days later when I was dragged into a group therapy session, I found out that this cheerful girl, who was within a year of my age, had lived the majority of her life as a SLAVE. Re-read that statement. Go ahead. I couldn't believe it either. Here I was, so self-involved that I had not even noticed suffering when it was starring me in the face. She was originally from the west coast, and she later told me that she was 11 when she ran away from home- angry at her parents for something- and ended up prey to a man who she referred to now as "her original owner."
I was so floored by this woman's story that I had an extremely hard time believing her. I even supposed that she might be a compulsive liar, just trying to create something crazy and unbelievable to tell the rest of the patients. However, the more I spoke with her the more I could not ignore the symptoms of this horrible past. She struggled with extreme depression, dabbled in all types of drugs, and she had absolutely no self-worth. You might think, this sounds like a completely different person. That's because, in essence, it is. This woman was struggling with things I couldn't even wrap my head around. She hid behind a very child-like exterior, ever-pleasing and devoted. She sometimes seemed to act like she WANTED someone else to be in charge of her life. After all the horrible things she had experienced, her only survival instinct left was to bend to someone else's will.
I have had other experiences in my life where I have come into contact with injustice, but none punctured me as fully as this did. This woman was a U.S. citizen- born and raised. And she ended up in my town in that hospital because of a man who "owned" her bringing her to West Virginia. This is the state that I grew up in, and I had just found out that real, honest to God, SLAVE OWNERS, lived there.
No longer can we say that "it won't happen to me" or "that doesn't happen where I live" because believe me people IT HAPPENS. It may be right under your nose. You might see them at the supermarket. For all you know, she's the woman at the dollar store who is paying in nickels. She might be buying balloons and a Twix bar in the speedy check-out at Wal-Mart.
Things like this make me despair at the human race- how someone can be so blind to another's suffering, how someone can trample on another person's basic rights for no reason other than their own selfish desires/beliefs. More than this I think about the blind eye that we all turn on these types of problems. No matter who you are, it really just is impossible to bear the weight of all this suffering, and so we try to look elsewhere. I am guilty to the highest degree. Although I find myself dwelling on this ongoing suffering- from hunger, from war, from slavery, from disease, from injustice. Faces of the children I met in Africa, of the students in the Jenin refugee camp in Palestine, of the woman I met in Fairmont-broken by a life of slavery: these faces inch their way into my dreams at night. Their suffering can make my own life seem bittersweet, leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
Especially now, as I struggle with my own reality of unemployment, piles of bills, student loans, and just scraping by, I feel stuck in a world of despair. Now, I am not looking for any pity from my friends. I am a hard-working, hot-blooded, stubborn young woman with absolutely NO intentions of giving up or giving in. However, even I cannot battle the injustices' of this world all alone. No one person can. There are just too many. There are too many just HERE- in the United States.
But that's the point. There are too many people suffering. Too many people are falling into the bottom echelon of our society, too many people are struggling to have their basic needs met. Too many people are being persecuted for their beliefs, for their sexuality, for their individuality. Too many people are being enslaved, literally and metaphorically. Too many women, men, and children are being treated unfairly- denied treatment for their medical issues, denied the right to vote, denied the right to love, denied the ability to make mistakes and come back from them. And this fact makes me angry.
This is SUPPOSED to be the land of the FREE. This is supposed to be the place where your dreams CAN be valid. And yet, America has become a cesspool of political agendas, industry interests, and CONSTANTLY putting the needs of the people dead last. It can be argued that we are moving forward, our society IS progressing, people are starting to wake up to the injustice all around them. However, I really don't think that a lot of people are GETTING it. For every one step forward- somebody, somewhere reacts in fear and takes 3 giant steps back. All you have to do is look at news. WHY AMERICA?!
Why do we watch as our country, as our rights are put on the sidelines? Why do ignore the OBVIOUS suffering? I'm not expecting anyone to go pick up a homeless person and help them put their life back together. But stop ignoring suffering! Your first world problems are just the half of it. Right beneath your nose injustice is being done. Your server at McDonald's is being forced to hid his sexuality, while working a dead-end minimum wage job just to pay the bills- and guess what, even then the struggle isn't over. He might be estranged from his family, dealing with drug addiction, and drowning in debt. Or he could be suffering from gluten intolerance, with no one to diagnose him, and no money to afford a wheat-free diet. You have no idea what got that person to where they are. Every single person on this planet is fighting their own private battles. It's not your place to judge. Would you want someone to judge you when you're at your worst?
We spend too much time in this life fighting with each other. People are always looking at their differences, focusing only on "what's wrong" with other people. We start this vicious cycle of victim-blaming, telling people it's their own fault. Again- WHY? Just think about how devastated a mother in middle-America would be if someone told her that her miscarriage was "her own fault." How about if someone told you it was "your own fault" that you got laid-off from your job? STOP BLAMING THE VICTIMS. I just cannot understand why anyone would choose to lay blame on someone who is already suffering- REGARDLESS OF HOW THEY GOT THERE. These are people who are struggling- no matter their history, no matter their origin or even their destructive behaviors- they are SUFFERING PEOPLE. So, stop forgetting that. Have a little compassion. Have a little HUMANITY. And just pause to think about all the pieces you're missing from their whole picture.
I try to live my life as compassionately as I can. I strive to relieve as much suffering around me as I can, whether it is through courteous service, a genuine smile or thank you, whatever I have to give- which these days, feels like it isn't a whole lot. However, even with no money to speak of, I feel this driving NEED to live with compassion- because you know what, this life does NOT show compassion. Whether you believe in a higher power or not- no one is going to intervene to fix all your problems for you. There is no cosmic power reaching into your life to make your problems magically go away. So, if God isn't gonna pluck all the thorns from your life to relieve your suffering then WHO IS? What happens to people who have so much suffering piled on top of them that they cannot crawl out on their own? How many times in your life have you just thought "I cannot do this alone"? So what the hell are we all here for if not to HELP each other!?
I find it a terrible tragedy that in a rape prevention class, I was taught to scream "FIRE!" instead of "HELP" because actual STUDIES have proved that people will respond to a fire- in hope of watching- rather than responding to a plea of help- because it requires them to get "involved". No offense to those who don't curse, but WHAT THE FUCK, AMERICA?! Have we become so complacent with the faults in our society that we choose to ignore them entirely? STOP PASSING THE BUCK AROUND! I swear, this is the most disgusting and frustrating thing in American culture. TAKE ACTION! TAKE ON SOME RESPONSIBILITY! The humanity of our race is at stake here, people. Please, I'm begging you. Stop this "bystander" mentality. You DO NOT have to be a bystander. And you are certainly not "entitled" to become a bystander just because you have already suffered. Help people. At least TRY. What kind of life can you have if you only wallow and focus on your own problems?
As a human being I believe that my purpose- and man's purpose on this planet in general- is to relieve the suffering of others. Until we can learn to set aside our differences and see each other's HUMANITY, we will never find peace or happiness. I know everyone who reads this will have their own maybe more pressing issues in their life. The mortgage needs to be paid, your daughter was in a car accident, whatever it is- you are fighting a personal battle everyday. But can you take a break from yours to help someone else in their fight? I don't mean just donating money, and in most cases these days I feel like that really isn't even a possibility for most of us. I mean, HELPING.
All I have to work with are my personal talents, and I don't have much-mainly my art. But, I am a writer, so I'm writing THIS- as a wake-up call, as an inspiration. I challenge every person who reads this to forward it on if you feel, re-post it, but more importantly TAKE ACTION. Take at least one action in your life to help someone else, not expecting anything reciprocal, each day or even each week- it can even be a stranger in your life. Tip your waitress an extra few dollars and leave her a thank you. I cannot tell you how happy it makes servers to get even a little thank you note. CALL a facebook friend- talk to them like a real person instead of just re-posting other people's words on their internet page. Volunteer your time. Buy an extra burger for the homeless man you pass everyday on your way to work. Donate your "out of season" clothes. Just LISTEN to people. Most of us who are struggling really just want ONE sympathetic ear. We all just want to feel like we aren't alone in our fight. For God's sake, just be loving! Treat others how you WISH everyone treated you- with respect, with understanding, with love. Take care of each other. I'm begging you. Lift each other up.
As one human spirit to another. End Suffering.
