Winding Down

So, time is running out and the clock in winding down to departure. I'm not sure how I should feel right about now. Of course I'm excited, but I'm also anxious and scared and worried about everything. I find that as each day passes I have another worry that rises to the surface. I'm still waiting on my visa, which scares me. I applied for in in early June, and I leave in a few short weeks. Talk about stressful. And now there's a billion and one other things to worry about, like how to make sure all my financial aid gets to me on time and what to pack, what to leave. I have to set up a power of attorney for dealing with any financial problems or other things in the states in my absence. I am even supposed to figure out what my dying wishes might be and let my family know. It's weird to even think about telling my Mom that in case I get Malaria and die I want all of my possessions donated or that if I am on life support at any point I want them to let me go, I mean what kind of decisions are those to make at age 21. Honestly, I am not particularly worried about dying or anything while I'm in Africa, but the fact that all of these things are supposed to be prepared is a little weird and frightening.

I think the hardest thing right now is the constant running total of goodbyes. I am constantly thinking, this is probably the last time I'll see this person before I leave for Africa. Or this could be the last time I do a musical at Fairmont State. This could be the last time I see Doc O before I go to Africa. It drives me crazy, and honestly it puts me in a constant state of melancholy. I'm always reflecting and thinking on the people that matter most, who I'll really miss while I'm gone, who will really miss me. I'm not sure if that's healthy or not, but it can be kind of depressing, especially for someone as self-depreciating as myself. I imagine that the last few days before I leave will be the worst display of crazy rampant emotional Eliza that there has been in a long time. The hardest is definitely going to be saying goodbye to Ross. I can't really think about it without dissolving into a puddle. Maybe I really am just a wimp.